Interview Hell II
by Black Tornado
Summary: Join me, Black Tornado, in a very special interview of the characters from Kampfer, here I'll ask questions you may have for them and see what kind of reaction they give, please R&R. BT
1. Prologue

Disclaimer: i do not own any of the character of Kampfer, nor do I own Erio who belongs to MGLN... I'm just borrowing him for a bit....

Prologue: The Beginning of the End... Again!

_A spotlight focuses on one man, wearing a black suit, whose sitting on a fold up black chair, off to one side is the cameraman wearing a shirt that's at bursting point trying to contain his muscular form. Next to him is a young boy of thirteen wearing a matching suit._

BT: Hello, and welcome to the interview show Interview Hell. I'm your host BT

Cameraman: errr boss, I don't see any audiences?

Erio: That's because we're simply greeting everyone and telling them what we do

Cameraman: isn't Mr P, the producer, going get skewered by a law suit for having you here Erio?

Erio: I think he put that in the disclaimer already

BT: Don't worry, Mr P knows what he's doing... I think...

_BT looks at the new black indestructible chair he's been given. He wonders where his old black one went to... Hello I'm the Mr Commentator who'll be commenting. Ah yes, Mr P told me that since we're starting a new series we get new equipment and a new studio._

Cameraman: I wonder where did he get the money for that?

Erio: maybe he got the money when he told them that he's going to interview a different series?

BT: that might be the case... how many times did the main heroine of last Interview Hell blasted the planet?

Cameraman: are you trying to scare our readers already??

_All of them recall the overpowering pink ball of death that blew up the last studio... I'm thankful that we don't have anyone of that kind of power in this universe... hopefully..._

BT: Anyway, first off I like to tell everyone that we'll be interviewing Natsuru Senou first

Cameraman: hey boss, where's TB?

Erio: Mr P said that she's trying to unpack all of her stuff in her room... said something about setting up a torture chamber or something...

BT: ... right... anyway Mr P said it would spice things up if we split everyone's Kampfer from the normal selves

Cameraman: what the hell does that mean is it even possible?

BT: don't ask me, but in short it means that Natsuru Senou we'll be interviewing is the male version, his female version will be the last person we'll interview

Erio: didn't Mr P said we'll even interview the enigmatic Moderators as well?

Cameraman: how are we supposing to interview them when no one has even seen them???

BT: we'll burn that bridge when we cross it.

Erio: so are done with the introduction?

BT: yep, so if you got a question, death threat, torture request and about anything else for male Natsuru, then please send them in and we'll try and do our best

Cameraman: do you have something against Nastsuru??

BT: whatever makes you think of that?

_BT holds a baseball bat. That has at least a thousand death threats for Nastsuru... looks like the girls admirers have sent in their answer to the guy... ah well see yar all next episode!_


	2. Interview 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters of Kampfer, nor do I own Erio from MGLN, I do own the the interveiwing BT and his crew members so hands off!**

**Interview 1: Steel Cog Rock!**

BT: Hello and welcome to Interview Hell, I'm our host BT

Cameraman: hey boss I'm getting scared of the audience today!

_The audience are all welding all manner of weapons, ranging from a stuffed bunny rabbit with a Gatling gun to a pin filled with something unspeakable... well now today's guest shouldn't last too long_

BT:...errr... are these guys haters of today's guest or something?

Audience: We want his head on a platter!!!

Cameraman: from what I found out they're all from the same school the guest attends... and at least eight other schools as well... not to mention at least half of them are the fans as well... why am I thinking of a ferret we all know and hate.... or love depending on your standing?

Erio: looks like none of them took it very well...

BT: even if the guest is reduce to a pile of mash I'll still interview him... well what's left of him

_BT gave a sympathetic look to the guest door then looks to the bin that will be used to school the remains' of the guest for disposing... I think its garbage day today_

BT: right, he's gotten himself into deep trouble by stealing the hearts of three beauties which resulted in a hit placed on him, he's learnt to stealthily move around with been detected by a legendary guy and finally he's trying to keep his female side jumping him... as to why she's jumping him we'll find out very soon, please give a loud round of applause to Natsuru Seno!!!

_A box crawls through the door, BT stares at it wondering at they're ripping off some show/game... hey BT... why is there a mech outside the studio..._

BT: TAKE COVER!!!

_All of the staffs quickly to cover as a grind foot came down and smashes the box, it even grind the box flat under its foot. Finally it shoots it's lasers three more times for good measures before leaving... our studio is already wrecked damn it!!!_

BT: I'M GOING TO TEAR IT TO PIECES!!!

Erio: calm down BT, you don't want to cause Mr P to write another death chapter for you?

Cameraman: he said he still needs to pay off the massive life insurances of all those you slaughtered

_From the guest door came a large oil drum that manages to walk to the guest chair, it jumps up and mange's to get the chair into the barrel without showing who it is... err guys we got a oil drum robbing our chair!_

BT: ...I see you've taken his advice to heart Natsuru

Erio: ???

Cameraman: advice???

_The top of the oil drum opens up to reveal Natsuru wearing what appears to be a combat suit and bandanna... right total rip off indeed!_

Natsuru: Thanks for inviting me to the show BT

BT: my pleasure... but you know I'm still pretty impressed that you got here in one piece

Erio: hey BT

BT: yeah?

Erio: I just got a call saying that we got a riot outside our studio, something to do with rumours of you protecting Natsuru...

Cameraman: Natsuru better run....

BT: well he IS today's guest so I have an obligation to protect him... even if it makes Mr P screaming bloody murder...

Erio: that's OK BT, I got an idea you'll love

Natsuru: what's that? besides handing me to them?

_Erio brings out a whistle, everyone stare at him wondering what is he going to do with that. He blows it, the BT brigade all appear in front of him, all kneeling with confused looks why are they're kneeling to him... errr... maybe Erio has been given executive rights of you guys?_

Erio: yeah I have, with this whistle I can make them do anything I want, be it appearing in another anime to having them been brutally used by someone...

Cameraman: why am I no affected, despite been part of the BT brigade?

BT: maybe because you're the only one who DO his work. While the others simply goof off

Space Marine Cameraman: isn't that little harsh to the ones who help you defeat that mob this morning?

Ninja Cameraman: a Ninja is a tool... but a tool do wants some love from time to time...

Samurai Cameraman: as a loyal servant to my lord I would do anything... but can't he give us some time off for some R&R?

Pirate: my ship needs to be repainted! Arrrk!

BT: did I hear four souls need purifying??

_BT throws salt and ashes onto his black chair, seething evil intent sufficed into his eyes at the quavering Cameramen... make sure you exorcise them PERMANTLY! _

Erio: we can't have that can we? I still need to work them to the bone still

Natsuru: ummm... you don't have to go that far...

BT: do you suggest we throw you out to them so they can do some unspeakable horror to you?

Erio: like been strapped to a pole and having your man hood removed with a green stick?

BT: or been spread eagle while a elephant tries to make you have it's babies... over a thank of hungry man eating Piranhas?

Natsuru:... OK carry on, pretend I'm not even here

Erio: OK, BT Brigade, minus one, move out and guard the front door from the mob outside... use lethal force has been approved!

BT Brigade: yes sir!

_The four unwilling Cameramen, of the BT Brigade, all jump out of the window, which is on the tenth floor. The sound of them landing followed by the screams of the mob begging forgiveness can be heard... why can I hear one of them begging to have their babies?_

Erio: I'm sure it was your imagination

BT: right, now that we've got you settled in let's start with the first question, do your parents know you're now technically both male and female?

Natsuru:... I haven't told them...

BT: why's that?

Natsuru: it'll be too much of a big shock to them...

BT: right... would it be a bad time to mention that they're watching the show?

Natsuru: they can't be they're not even into in...

BT: I sent them a letter about it, they said they'll defiantly be watching, they even said that they'll telephone you about it.... didn't you know?

Natsuru: I've been dodging the fan killers to be able to get back home so I.... WHAT!!!

_The fact finally sunk in, Natsuru tries to think of what to say while BT simply pats him on the back, the Cameraman stare at BT suspiciously. Wondering is his boss really sorry for Natsuru or is he enjoying the young man's shock... we are talking about BT so it's probably the latter option._

BT: don't worry, I'm sure they'll be thrilled to hear that you can give them a grandchild.... of course that's not the case now...

Natsuru: what do you mean?

Erio: well Mr P, the producer, did said that he's separated your Kampfer form from yourself... didn't you notice?

Natsuru: ...I did...

_He turns pale all of a sudden, everyone else wonders did something happen... my money is on the female Natsuru had something to do with it!_

BT: ...we'll leave it at that and move on... we do want our guest intact during our interview, be it mentally or physically.

Erio: that's true... so how are you're going to get him back to normal?

Cameraman: subject him to those two mad men?

BT: nah, I'll simply ask another question, so I've been hearing that you're trying to start a harem, is this true? And please explain your answer... if you don't I'll toss you to the audiences in three seconds, one, two...

Natsuru: IT'S NOT TRUE!!!

BT: ah, good to see you're still alive... so care to explain your answer?

Erio: somehow I feel like BT gets pleasure out of seeing people in distress...

Cameraman: have you forgotten how he became like this?

Erio: I kind of forgot... I wonder do he still talks to her.

BT: I can hear you guys....

Natsuru: errr... what are you guys on about?

BT: nothing short of me sending those to HER, for a quick session to adjust their way of talking behind my back

Erio: PLEASE NO!!!!

Cameraman: I want to go home sane to my wife!!!

Natsuru:... remind me to never get on your bad side BT... Not like it's going to matter after today's interview

BT: if you value your life then I suggest you never ask who I'm referring to.... now then about that answer.

Natsuru: ...I have no interest in starting a harem.... since I like to keep my life intact... not to mention my best buddy I have on me...

BT: point taken, is it a bad time to mention that those three told me to scoop your man hood onto this plate and give it to them?

Natsuru: NOOOOOOO!!!!

_Natsuru quickly ducks into his dustbin and tries to run away, BT clicks his fingers and a steel cage comes down trapping Natsuru... errr... BT you're inside the steel cage, was that suppose to happen?_

BT: right then let's move onto the next question

Natsuru: what did my master told me about how to escape in these situations?

Erio: ummmm, Natsuro-san, I hate to say it but BT consulted with your master about this...

Cameraman: tell me about it, if we weren't been stopped by been focused on simply one show I could have said his name... I even got his autography, what a legend!

BT: well there you have, now then let's move onto our viewers question, can you do the honours Erio

Erio: certainly, the viewer RetardedFool, or RF as we call him, has sent in the following questions, question one, "Senou Natsuru...or Natsuru Senou! Among all of the girls around you, choose  
one who you think is the most suitable for you?"

Natsuru: can't I skip this question?

BT: hmmmm, did someone said they want me to remove their male genital?

_BT is polishing a mean looking spoon with an evil glint in his eyes... ah, that's why he's in there with him...._

Cameraman: better answer the question before the boss does dig your dangling things out....

Natsuru: fine i choose...

Cameraman: choose your words carefully... They might be your last

BT: I'm sure the girls will call me the moment you speak your answer for me to remove your male organs through your butt hole... no pressure

_Everyone stare at BT wondering how come he so sadistic all of a sudden... he's probably gloating over the fact that Natsuru has more hate mail than he does_

Natsuru: I don't know yet

BT: I heard that you haven't gotten over your crush on Sakura

Erio: I got a few letters saying that they would rearranged your body parts if you keep on going on about Sakura, I think it's from her fan club

Cameraman: well we got a burning poster of you on it, said that'll be you at the end of the episode

BT: ah well we'll save you the trouble of asking further on that question.... errr Natsuru can you hear me?

_The poor guest is white as a paper as he stare at the sky with a look of dread... maybe you guys said a little too much on his behalf_

Erio: right, anyway the next question from RF is, "How/What is your orientation now?"

BT: hmmm interesting question, so what is your orientation Natsuru?

Cameraman: he looks kind of dead still boss...

BT: hmmmm, right then might as well put this soon to good use

Natsuru: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

_Natsuru hid behind his bin disguise/cover and watch BT hold of the spoon menacingly while looking at a plate of Flan... that was unusual... where did he get the flan from?_

BT: what, I'm only eating my flan

Erio: why am I thinking of brain matter all of a sudden...

Cameraman: I had the same feeling, plus some weird crazy mad scientist as well to the mix...

BT: you're just jealous because I'm eating flan and you're not.

Erio: whatever BT... so back to the question, what is our orientation now Natsuru.... then again seeing as how you're dressed up, and the training as well, it's not hard to guess what your orientation is now.

Natsuru: yep, my course of action is to infiltrate secret bases and find out how they turn men into women and vice versa, as well as stopping a big mech that will be able to turn all men into women and....

BT: carry on with that crazy story and I swear the next thing on my plate will be something you own!

Cameraman: I have to admit that I agree with the boss there

Erio: why did I feel like he was trying to rip off something epic there...

BT: let's ask the final question so we can end today's interview, I gotta go home and get some sleep...

Cameraman: another late night of dodging death again boss?

Erio: to think that after one of your staff left death came running after you for your soul... how many times did you cheat death BT?

Cameraman: let's not ask, the insurance company is currently been liquefied to give BT that ultimate Gold plaque for his ability to survive

Erio: I see, anyway the last thing RF has to say is, "Well, this is not a question, but good luck surviving."

BT: I'm sure he'll live long and pleasantly in the arms of the thousand of fan haters waiting outside the building

Natsuru:...

Erio: they all got night vision goggles on so there's no way of escaping them in the cover of darkness

Cameraman: did we mention they got blood hounds out there to track you down

BT: let's not even say about the army on stand by ready to hunt him down for been so popular... and for having a harem

Natsuru:... I wonder will my master be able to send in THAT to help

Marine: you mean the big old two legged mech that landed on the fans outside?

Samurai: my beautiful camera sword was crushed by that thing!

Pirate: me parrot didn't survive when it's big booty squished it, ark I'll remember him

Ninja: the foes at the door are gone, but the banners of hate remain

Natsuru: well can't stick around if my rides here, thanks for inviting me to the show BT

BT: sure, let me help you getting into your ride

_Before the poor guy can refuse BT gets up and baseball bat Natsuru out of the open window with his trusty black chair... wasn't that a bit harsh BT?_

Erio: well then BT do you have anything to say?

BT: yes, we'll be interviewing the school's librarian Akane Mishima, the normal version not the Kampfer version, so if you got any questions please send them in and we'll be sure to ask her.

Erio: thanks for watching and we all hope to see you next time, bye for now

_All of them all head off the studio to dine, the Natsuru haters all storm out of the window. A big mecha foot stamps them before walking off... there goes another insurance company... sigh_


End file.
